Picture this: You’re cruising through the winding roads of Beverly Hills, admiring the sprawling mansions and manicured lawns, when suddenly you come across a driveway so long and steep, you’d need a sherpa and an oxygen tank to make it to the front door. Welcome to the Pritzker estate, folks – a house so big, it makes Buckingham Palace look like a studio apartment.

This 50,000-square-foot behemoth isn’t just any old mansion. It’s the prize fighter in a heavyweight bout between billionaire Tony Pritzker (yes, of the Hyatt hotel Pritzkers) and his soon-to-be ex-wife, philanthropist Jeanne Pritzker. And let me tell you, this ain’t no friendly game of rock-paper-scissors to decide who gets the Netflix password.

The House That Hyatt Built (And Lawyers Are Fighting Over)

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “50,000 square feet? That’s bigger than my entire neighborhood!” And you’d be right. This place is so massive, it probably has its own zip code. We’re talking a house with more amenities than a small country:

– A bowling alley (because why go to the local lanes when you can gutter ball in the comfort of your own home?)

– A hairdressing area (for when you need an emergency blowout before heading to the in-house cinema)

– A gym with changing rooms (because walking from your bedroom to work out is so passé)

– An infinity pool overlooking the L.A. skyline (perfect for those “I’m richer than you” Instagram posts)

And get this – at its peak, this modern-day castle was run by a staff of over 25 people. That’s right, 25! I can’t even get my kids to clean their rooms, and these folks have an army of helpers just to keep the place running.

From Love Nest to Legal Nightmare

Tony and Jeanne Pritzker were living the high life in their hilltop haven for years. They threw parties that would make Gatsby green with envy, hosting everyone from Al Gore to Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen. (I’m pretty sure my invitation got lost in the mail… for 30 years straight.)

But as we all know, nothing gold can stay. In 2022, faster than you can say “prenup,” Tony packed his Louis Vuitton bags and headed for the hills (or in this case, down from the hills). And that’s when things got messier than a toddler eating spaghetti.

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The Great Estate Escape

Now, here’s where it gets juicy. Jeanne, thinking she’d at least get to keep living in the house (I mean, 50,000 square feet is plenty of room for social distancing from your ex, right?), got hit with a bombshell. Turns out, the house – and everything in it, down to the last gold-plated spoon – wasn’t actually owned by the couple. Nope, it was all tied up in a web of trusts and LLCs more complex than the plot of “Inception.”

Tony’s lawyers basically said, “Sorry, Jeanne, but you can’t live here anymore. You’re not a beneficiary of the trust that owns this place.” Talk about a plot twist! It’s like finding out your house is actually owned by your neighbor’s dog’s trust fund.

Trust Issues: The Rich Person’s Prenup

Now, before you start feeling too bad for Jeanne (I mean, as bad as you can feel for someone fighting over a $200 million mansion), know that this isn’t some isolated incident. It’s becoming a trend among the uber-wealthy, like avocado toast for millennials, but with more zeros.

These trusts and LLCs are like the rich person’s version of hiding money under the mattress, except the mattress is a complex legal structure, and the money is… well, everything they own. It’s great for avoiding taxes and maintaining privacy, but when divorce hits, it can turn into a game of “Hide and Seek: Billionaire Edition.”

Take, for example, the case of Jenica and John Paulson. Jenica accused John of hiding billions in secret trusts when he filed for divorce. John’s response? “Oh, those billions? They’re for the kids. Didn’t I mention that?” It’s like when you “forget” to tell your spouse about that extra slice of cake you had, except the cake is worth billions.

Or how about Elena Rybolovleva and her ex, Russian billionaire Dmitry Rybolovlev? Elena claimed Dmitry was using trusts to buy property around the world faster than you can say “oligarch,” all to keep it out of her hands in the divorce. The court initially awarded her $4.5 billion, but then an appeals court was like, “Oops, our bad,” and knocked it down to a mere $603 million. I guess that’s what passes for pocket change in billionaire circles.

The Prenup Plot Thickens

But wait, there’s more! (Isn’t there always?) Tony’s lawyers also pulled out a prenup that Jeanne had signed, basically saying “What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is… also probably mine.” Jeanne claimed she signed it under duress, probably while Tony was dangling keys to a Bentley in front of her. (Okay, I made that last part up, but you get the idea.)

Living Large, Even in Divorce

Now, let’s take a moment to appreciate the sheer opulence of the Pritzker lifestyle. Jeanne casually mentioned in the divorce filings that she had $7.1 million worth of jewelry. That’s not a typo. $7.1 million. I feel fancy when I put on my $20 Target necklace, but clearly, I need to step up my game.

They also owned at least 13 cars. Thirteen! I can’t even find parking for one car in Los Angeles, and these folks have a fleet that would make Fast and Furious jealous. Oh, and let’s not forget the $3.8 million worth of fine art and wine. Because nothing says “I’m cultured” like being able to buy a small country’s GDP worth of paintings and booze.

The Real Estate Shopping Spree

But Tony wasn’t content with just one massive house. Oh no. While the divorce was ongoing, he went on a bit of a real estate shopping spree:

– Bought a pair of Manhattan penthouses from John Legend and Chrissy Teigen for $16.75 million. (I guess he needed a place to crash when he’s in the Big Apple.)

– Picked up a $12.5 million Los Angeles home designed by famous architect John Lautner… for his adult son. (Because nothing says “I love you, son” like a multi-million dollar architectural masterpiece.)

– Snagged a $19.5 million penthouse in the Beverly West condominium. (You know, for those days when you want to slum it in a mere 8,000 square feet.)

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The Great House Hunger Games

While all this was going on, poor Jeanne (and I use “poor” very loosely here) was left in the big house, but with some… let’s call them “first world problems.” She requested funds for various repairs, but many were rejected by the trust that owns the house. So she was stuck with:

1. Limited Wi-Fi (The horror! How’s she supposed to binge-watch “Succession” in peace?)

2. Faulty air conditioning (In L.A.? That’s practically cruel and unusual punishment)

3. Broken outdoor speakers (How else is she supposed to blast “Single Ladies” across the 50,000 square feet?)

4. A broken TV in the gym (Because nothing motivates you to run on the treadmill like staring at a blank screen)

5. No magnetic lock for the craft room (The crafts! Won’t someone think of the crafts!)

But my personal favorite request? $20,900 for a new chicken coop, because the existing one lacked “animal security.” I don’t know about you, but I sleep better at night knowing the billionaires’ chickens are safe from coyotes… or whatever poses a threat to poultry in Beverly Hills. Diamond-encrusted foxes, perhaps?

The Grand Finale

After all the drama, the court battles, the broken chicken coops, Jeanne and Tony finally reached a settlement in April 2024. Jeanne packed up her $7.1 million in jewelry (probably in a U-Haul, because how else do you move that much bling?) and moved out.

Now, the Pritzker estate is getting ready for its close-up, set to hit the market with a price tag that could make even Jeff Bezos do a double-take: somewhere between $150 million and $200 million.

So, if you’ve got a couple hundred million burning a hole in your pocket and you’ve always dreamed of living in a house so big you need GPS to find the bathroom, now’s your chance! Just remember to bring your own chicken coop security system. That’s not included in the price.

In the end, this saga of the Pritzker estate serves as a cautionary tale for us all. Well, for the 0.0001% of us, anyway. The rest of us can just sit back, eat our popcorn, and be grateful that our biggest real estate drama is arguing with our roommate over whose turn it is to buy toilet paper.

As for Tony and Jeanne? Well, they’re both probably just fine. When you’re fighting over your twelfth house, it’s hard to feel too bad. But let’s pour one out for the real victims here: those poor, under-secured Beverly Hills chickens. May they find peace, safety, and all the organic feed their little hearts desire.

And remember, folks: if you’re ever lucky enough to marry a billionaire, maybe take a minute to read the fine print. You never know when that dream house might turn into a legal nightmare. But hey, at least you’ll have a great story for your memoir, right?

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